The Joys of Marriage

2012-02-07T12:13:00.001-08:00

Oh well. We're almost at the very end of 2011. With so many things in mind, I decided to create a new blog. Again? Yes, again.

Since I started getting active online in 2000, I've had 4 blogs, 6-8 email addresses, more than 2 working websites and many others that are too old and forgotten. I do not consider myself a technie junkie. I just love to express my thoughts in writing. Although inconsistent, I was able to have an outlet for my emotions, whenever I feel like it.

However, I also believe in sharing good news. My philosophy in life is:

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things arejust, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things areof good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

2011. What an exciting year! I will be bidding it adieu, but surely it is one of the best years God has blessed me with. For now, let me enjoy the holidays. Twenty-four days more to go until Christmas!

Share the Love,

Staying Positively in Love

2009-11-25T07:26:00.000-08:00

All married couples should dream together. Sharing dreams and goals is not only healthy but it also shows unity and intimacy. When two people learn how to let go of some differences and look at the same direction, a lot could be accomplished.

Working in harmony with each other, "disagreeing without being disagreeable", understanding each other well enough to learn what's right and what's not, and sharing a glimpse of the future together should be part of each couple's journey. Love carries hope, togetherness and a sense of peace. (:

Love is Kind

2009-03-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen couples yell at each other? I have, countless of times. Sometimes they do it in public places, sometimes in front of their children and other people. I can imagine them convincing themselves, "I am in the right, I should scream loud enough so others would know how bad he/she is. Everyone should know how unkind I am to my husband/wife. I don't care what others would think of me. I shut myself from the world. I am angry and I want to express it. Hear ye! Hear ye!"

Being unkind to our spouse is just mean...and disgusting. It is hurting the other on purpose. It is not giving God the glory, therefore, it should be avoided. The Bible mentioned about love being kind. In Chapter 13 of Corinthians it says, Love is patient, LOVE is KIND. I have expressed my personal views about love being patient in my previous blog entry. To read it, just scroll down. (:

Love being kind, I think, is the simplest form to describe love. Being kind is not really hard to do. One can be kind to my friend, to my neighbor and even to animals. However, kindness is not as simple as it sounds. There are still a lot of people who struggle being kind. Again, many marriages end in divorce when kindness is missing. Wives leave their homes due to unkind treatments. Husbands suffer anxiety and a feeling of inadequacy because of wives that could not seem to say anything kind to them. Even children get their piece of emotional abuse because of the lack of kindness from parents. Without kindness, emotional or even physical abuse can happen. The throwing of words that are demeaning or hurtful and of the flying plates and forks and punches and kicks? Those are not very kind. Those actions are brutal. It kills respect. The lack of kindness in the home can lead to broken homes and broken hearts. Bad memories can haunt and scars can linger. Why make bad things happen and make them last? Why not create reasons for love to stay?

How do we cultivate kindness? Say something nice. Show respect. Act appropriately. A small pat on the shoulder, a smile, a word of encouragement or any form of positive actions that would ensure positive results could be related to acts of kindness. In words and in deeds, kindness can shown. Having a kind attitude will make our homes a better place to be. (:

Love is Patient

2009-03-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

The Love Chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 is a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious description of love. It starts with Love is Patient. Let me say what I have in mind about this.

If we haven't experienced love, we don't know how patient love is. Many marriages do not work, sadly, just because of the lack of patience. Well, it isn't easy to be patient. It's easier to be impatient, isn't it? LOL. But when we choose to be impatient rather than being patient, we get into mistakes. First, we worry. Then, we get mad. It ends with us attacking the other person, or many other persons or us getting a heart attack. The end.

The more impatient we get about our spouse, the more we build up defenses against love. Impatience can make us yell, can make us silent, can make us hurt others, can make us express crazy emotions and we don't want to look crazy like that.

Patience can be learned. For some, it is innate. For most, it is another character flaw. But like many other else, it can be learned and relearned.

When it comes to love, however, patience takes the front seat. After years of courtship, I haven't heard my then-boyfriend yell at me or let alone get mad. Red flag. I started to panic. Why do I panic? Because I think it wasn't normal. Yeah, laugh at me like that but it's true. Does he ever get angry? I did asked him that question. He honestly told me that he doesn't want to let me see that side of him because it's ugly. I sweet-talk him into being expressive and to get mad when he's mad. And I would understand.

As years go by, I learned my lesson. My husband didn't learn impatience from me but instead he has shown me the depth of his patience. I've done a lot of mistakes that probably ticked him off but he's been all too precious. How he does it, is still a mystery to me after many years of knowing him. That patience that he shows me every day of our life together continue to teach me that it is possible to be patient when you have love. I now can see how patient love truly is. Impatience is just a thing called, "ugly".

Note: It takes me a while to get ready and I think I have the "slow poke" disease in my system that I can't just be fast, and I know this is hard for my husband. What I see him do is to remind me about our appointments ahead of time and how important it is for us. He is always the first to make a move. I also don't want to be a bad irresponsible wife and I don't have any reason to make my husband mad because I love him, so I also do my best. But sometimes my best is not good enough. I still get late, and when that happens, I am quick to apologize and my husband would shrug his shoulders and say, "It's ok. I love you". When he gets into a similar situation of being late, I do the same thing to him, just shrug my shoulders and show my patience. Case solved.

A Friendship That Lasts

2009-03-02T04:17:00.000-08:00

As I look back in retrospection of the highs and lows of my pre-marriage days, I caught a tiny glimpse of what I think is the best moment of them all. That was when I discovered a great and trustworthy friend. It took a while for me to understand how sincere, loyal, kind he really is. After a year of friendship, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Perhaps, a year isn't enough to get to know a person but I feel it's long enough to know a friend. I do not believe in love at first sight. For sure, those who experience it would want to get on a debate with me. But I have learned that "infatuation" comes first before love. Sometimes, it breeds love but sometimes it doesn't. Or worse, as many would say, infatuation would never even be related with love. It is the opposite of it. Therefore, if you like someone, make him or her your bestfriend before you convince yourself that you're in love.

Having your spouse as your bestfriend is in itself a blessing. It is an intimate kind of friendship that should be honored and treasured. If I have to describe the way I see the relationship, it is like the way husbands and wives get into an embrace --- close and tight---that nothing or no one could get in between them.

To have bestfriends aside from your partner is not bad because I believe that each person should have his/her own circle of friends in order for the social aspect to flourish. But having another bestfriend from the opposite sex in the position that your husband/wife is supposed to be in, you know, as confidante. Probably not. I'd rather be sharing secrets with my bestfriend spouse rather than share it with my other bestfriends. Maybe the "other bestfriend" had been there for you 24/7 in the past, but that should change a little bit in order for your marriage or mine to work out. This is based on my personal observations because I am not a professional psychologist. But it works fine for me. It may also depend in the kind of partner you have --- but if you can't trust your partner, it would take me to say this: "learn it the hard way".

I believe in the partnership between married couples. I believe in friendship and in love --- having both makes the relationship stronger. Make your spouse your bestfriend. Treat them like you do your friends, even more! --- make jokes and laugh with them, share secrets with them, trust them, share with their troubles, don't blame instead give praise, do stuff that you both enjoy, but also do everything with respect and kindness or your friend will become your enemy. (:

Love Gives

2009-02-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

Love is a filling from one's own,
Another's cup,
Love is the daily laying down
And taking up;
A choosing of the stoney path
Through each new day,
That other feet may tread with ease
A smoother way.
Love is not blind, but looks abroad
Through other's eyes;
And asks not, "Must I give?"
But "May I sacrifice?"
Love hides its grief, that other hearts
And lips may sing;
And burdened walks, that other lives
May buoyant wing.
Hast thou a love like this?
Within thy soul?
'Twill crown thy life with bliss
When thou dost reach the goal.

-Author Unknown

Fireproof Your Marriage

2009-02-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

One of the nice (but not always the best) ways to enjoy a fun date is to rent a movie and watch it together. There are times when men can be very sure of what they want that they sometimes forget that some women are not so fond of action, war or sci-fi movies. And for ladies, it is sometimes upsetting when their partner doses off to sleep (and snores!).

Although I am not an avid movie goer, hubby is the opposite, he is just a fanatic. It used to be hard for me whenever he presses me to go rent a movie. However, we're now on the same wavelength. He still rents his movies, but not on a weekly basis anymore. A smart husband learns fast...and he learns it the hard way :). Now whenever he prods me to watch a movie with him, I also get to enjoy it each time for he makes sure it is something we both like.

One of the latest movie we watched is Fireproof. We got our own copy and it has become one of our favorites. Here is a synopsis of the movie:

FIREPROOF, from the same team that made the 2006 hit FACING THE GIANTS, is a Christian relationship drama with a very strong message. The film stars Kirk Cameron of the classic television series GROWING PAINS as Captain Caleb Holt, a fireman whose fearlessness is limited to his work. At home with his wife of seven years, Caleb shows little of the bravery he displays on the job, and has a failing marriage as a result. Fighting over every little thing, Caleb and his wife, Catherine (Erin Bethea), are on the verge of signing divorce papers when Caleb's father and coworkers urge him to approach his marriage in the same way he fights vicious flames. When Caleb's father gives him the "Love Dare," a 40-day guide to religiously motivated marriage help, Caleb begins a difficult journey to reclaim his wife, and in the process, his faith in God. With several action-packed scenes, FIREPROOF uses fire metaphors in its exploration of marriage. The film offers an alternative to the common romantic comedy and, some might argue, a more multidimensional view of romance. The film examines both the ups and inevitable downs of married life, offering faith as a prescription for saving what may at first glance appear to have already failed. Likely to please its target audience, the film offers a fresh perspective on marriage and inspiring relationship tips viewers may want to try regardless of their faith.

Source: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10010214-fireproof/#

This movie has given us a lot of things to discuss about our marriage. It is one of those movies that would make you think of how you are faring along with your partner. I highly recommend this to everyone who is married, who plans to get married and to those who are curious. I really hope more and more people would get the chance to watch this wonderful piece.

Shopping for Love

2009-02-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

Finding a perfect partner in marriage is like shopping for a favorite product. I don't know about you, but I think just as time-consuming and nerve-racking it is to choose stuff from a store, it is much harder to choose a partner for life. When I shop in my favorite stores, I would inspect every detail of every product I want to get to make sure I only have the best...and of course, that's good for me. Even before the buying process, I would do a lot of window shopping. Sometimes, I get tempted to do some impulse buying. Like that one time I got myself a facial wash just because it was on sale, after using it a couple of times, it caused blotches to appear on my face. I panicked. But since I couldn't use it anymore, I decided to keep it in my closet and wait 'til someone would be willing enough to use it. (: Most of the time, I regretted because the products I bought were not good for me. High maintenance. Not working. Made me sick. Irritating. However, I have learned my lessons. Being careful in choosing the right products for us would prevent future problems.

Imagine being in your favorite shoe store, the product you wanted is not available or maybe it's sold out. Or it's out there but defective? You go for other options. Would you visit another store, choose a different brand or look for a different product? Maybe yet, just get the defective one? Mmm...tough.

The same way with "looking" for that special someone. Kinda hard. But when you get into the "shoes" you like, shoes that fit right, comfortable, pretty, you would want to have it no matter how much it costs. Costly, doesn't always mean good, you know. Some would cost you much but it would hurt. Some are too cheap, they break. Go for one that's just right. I'm sure it would bring lotsa smiles on your face, pride to your heart, and glory to the One who provides for you.

Love does have a price. But I don't mean literally. For those who haven't started shopping yet, be sure you have what it takes to bring home something you like. In other words, it is a responsibility to take good care of someone. For those who are still shopping, no impulse buying, stick with the plan and be sure to get the right one. Not the one that's right for someone. (Get it? get it?). For those of us who got what we wanted, let us love what we already have and enjoy as long as it lasts. (It may mean, stop window shopping, too). For those who doesn't want to go shopping, it's ok. You can just stay home and mope the whole day. (: Hayyy buhay.

Happy Valentine's Day, folks!

Note: My husband still wonders how/why I spent three hours just choosing yarns for my crochet projects one day. (Absurd? Maybe, but not for me who loves my work). He ended up going home to take a nap 'cause I took so long. I carefully checked the colors, the brand, the quality, and even the weight of each yarn. I made sure I got it all right, just the way I wanted them but the only problem is, I came home with two bagful of yarns. Although, it took me a while, it was worth it. The store could just take back my purchase anytime, but I don't want to waste my time going back to there for any reason. Now, I am happy with my yarn/s and I promised him I won't go back there again until I used them all up. LOL. And mind you, I'll keep my promise.

Careful and serious consideration has also taken my marriage to a whole new level. And it's all worth it, too. I chose only what's best for me, the one for me. Grabe na 'to!

Where Is Your Rib?

2009-02-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

It is not good for man to be alone, the Lord God said. "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man." (Genesis 2:21, 22 NASB) This is a wonderful verse on marriage, that two people were made just right for each other. There's something holy about this union, in which God is the Maker. I love to think of the amazing realities of love, of when both throw away differences and finding themselves "matched". How possible can it be for two individuals coming from different backgrounds, with different habits and ways, and still find each other amongst a crowd of billions, get along well, marry and live happier than ever? Possible, but I don't know how. It's a mystery in its truest sense. That supernatural power that draws couples to each other and holds all these relationships in place, is just amazing. I give all credit to God for ours.

The beautiful song, When God Made You, has been sung in weddings, favorited by couples, and loved by many. It's a powerful song with a really sweet message to it. My favorite line goes, "When God made you, He must be thinking about me."

Here is the song, When God Made You by Natalie Grant and Newsong:

Some people find it quite selfish, in the sense that some parts of the lyrics are very personal, pointing to self. However, I see it in a different perspective where God has meant for people to find a "mate" suitable for them. God has already "prepared" someone for someone. All we need is to know His will for us.

Sometimes, we take drastic steps and find ourselves plunged into a world of false idealism about love. We can't wait. We want it now. We want it too badly. When we sink deeper, we feel remorse. We want out. Some are lucky. Some are not. Some deserve second chances. Before you take the "plunge" in marriage, read on some helpful tips:

* Know where you're going. Choose the right path.
* Be honest with yourself. What are your motives?
* Check on your readiness.
1. Are you willing to take the challenge?
2. Have you prepared enough?
* Be responsible and take things seriously (like there's no return)
* Ask family and people important to you to "go" with you. They are a good support.
* Trust in Divine power to lead you. He has that someone especially just for you.

Now, where is your rib?

Rekindle the Flame, Refine the Gold

2009-02-11T04:58:00.000-08:00

Circumstances are sometimes inevitable and many of us would want to escape from pain and would do anything/everything in our power to keep ourselves from hurting. Sometimes we try too hard, get exhausted and give up. There are also times when we think nothing could keep us from failing but things get tough and we put all our tools down and stop on improving or even rebuilding an old relationship. We refuse to heal what's ailing. We'd rather find something new and available rather than polish an old antique treasure. We think it's a waste of our time and our energies. We forget the memories that started it all. We let go of so many laughters, so many successes and exchange it for something else that's sparkling. But as an old adage says, "Not all that glitters is gold". Go for the gold. The genuine.

No matter how old, how rusty, how boring it maybe, it's worthwhile for couples to "rekindle the flame" back from where it all started and "refine the gold". I don't mean reuniting with old flings. What I mean is, holding on to what we already have and making it all look new again.

Like our bodies, our muscles could turn to jelly and our bones brittle when we stop moving. What's worse is, fat begins to show as we get older. Relationships can happen that way, too. It can turn into jelly, get brittle and grow "killer fats" that would look unappealing as years go by. But instead of allowing it to get old and shaky, there's always the other choice of making it healthy and alive by nourishing it with care. One can really see the difference between a healthy relationship and one that's not. Healthy does not mean, flawless, it simply means, positive, alive and able. Unhealthy relationship is, negative, suffering and dangerous.

Finding ways to "rekindle the flame in our relationships is as exciting as doing it. Don't exhaust yourself in negative thoughts. Instead, keep dreaming of a healthy relationship with your spouse or someone in your life. Act now, for the time is right. After all, relationships are meant to flourish and to last. Just do it!

Creative Projects for Couples

2009-02-06T05:56:00.000-08:00

Be creative with your partner by making simple but romantic projects together. There are exciting, newer and fresher ways to express our emotions. A good relief for stress, actually. Here are just some of those wonderful things that I could think of, that don't really require much money:

*Writing poems and composing songs
*Making self-made cards
*Exchanging notes even when you just sit close together
*"Doodling" using Yahoo messsenger. (hubby and i printed ours for our scrapbook)
*Doing an abstract painting together(it would keep you from arguing, i hope...lol)
*Cooking a new recipe
*Sharing creative ideas on a scrapbook (yes, men do have cool ideas, too)
*Face-painting (yes, and you both can just stay home all day)

Sometimes, when we don't least expect it, our creative juices will just flow. When one is in love, there is always something to say and do but sometimes less opportunities to let it out. No time? Find time. I believe that when one gets to express his/her feelings, he/she gives himself/herself the chance to be more open, to be more understood by others and to loosen up a little bit. Challenge yourselves to doing a creative project together and allow love to rule your day.

P.S. Last month, I went to the store to get some ceramic mugs and permanent markers, so hubby and I could draw something on them and express how we feel about each other at that moment (our anniversary). No rules, just draw. I'll post our pretty expressive mugs when I get the chance to take pictures of them. 'Til next time.

Poem/Song: In My Eyes

2009-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

When my husband first started courting me, he came up with an idea to make a song for me. That gesture made me want to know him a little bit more. Music is/was not much of my then-suitor's interests, but he managed to make a song for me. I was definitely impressed. Altho' we had a long distance courtship, that didn't hinder us from opening up to each other. Putting 100% effort in a relationship is worth it. Here's the lyrics and the video of him singing me the song. (The video came two years later after we became "it").

In My Eyes

In my eyes, you are so beautiful.
In my eyes you are so special,
In my eyes you can do no wrong,
And that is why I sing you this song.

You truly know how to amaze,
You put me in a euphoric daze.
Your eyes sparkle like black pearls
I’m goin crazy over you girl.

The way you laugh on the phone,
My knees get week, I’m undone.
The way you cry when we pray,
I don’t want to leave, I want you to stay.

In my eyes, you are so beautiful.
In my eyes you are so special,
In my eyes you can do no wrong,
And that is why I sing you this song.

Your hair is dark and flowing,
Your character’s worth knowing,
Your words lift me up so high,
And you make me fly.

I dream of you in my sleep.
I want you to be mine for keeps.
I can’t stop thinking of you,
Until my days are through.

In my eyes, you are so beautiful.
In my eyes you are so special,
In my eyes you can do no wrong,
And that is why I sing you this song.

The Golden Rule in Marriage

2009-01-15T11:58:00.000-08:00

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

OK. Haha. I know this is funny.

I pulled this illustration out from the internet. The husband and wife didn't seem to understand what it means to respect each other. I did laugh at the story but to think that they see each other as "pigs" is not funny at all. I hope they both laughed at their foolishness and have reconciled.

But a lot of married couples are in a similar situation. As time progresses in a relationship, the endearment becomes "ugly-meant". Instead of the usual "Honey", "Sweetheart", "Cheesecake", "Darling", "Beautiful" it turns to "Pig", "Stinky", Rascal", "Skunk", etc. Imagine a home where husband and wife call each other "nasty" names?

When my then-fiance-now-husband and I started dating, I began to call him, "Sweetheart". He wasn't so used to being "sweet" when there are people around us and seemed to just call me by my name. Somehow, things have changed for us. He now uses a name of endearment every time he wants my attention. He knows that I like it. Even when I get upset at him (yes, it's normal), I still call him, "Sweetheart". And I think it helps me remember who he really is, my wonderful husband. Emotions change, too. But LOVE as mentioned in earlier posts, is not a feeling. It is a principle.

Remember the golden rule? If you want love, give love. If you want respect, you give it. I think it would really help if partners in a relationship would look at each other and see their mate as incomparable. Simply unique. Simply special. Even arguments can be resolved and anger relinquished when both train their lips to only say what's "pretty and nice". It's always a better option to be positive and to focus only on what's good. With this in mind, we lift each other up. After all, we marry because we believe in the goodness of another.

Books on Marriage: Lessons Learned the Easy Way

2009-01-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

There are lots of books in the market these days that teach about happy marriages, etc. Sadly, there are also books that are quite trashy. They encourage conflicts, anger and revenge. Mmm...isn't marriage supposed to be "for better or worse"? Yes, sometimes it can be difficult and trying. But where conflict arises, there are also many different ways to handle the situation. Ask experts. In my life, I have seen examples set by my parents. The values I have acquired as an adult, I have learned it in childhood. I should say, I was a keen observer. I didn't talk a lot back then, but I remember things. My parents live in a different era. The way they do things is not always good for me. There are things that I don't like and things I like in them. But I look at what's good and do them. I am just hopeful I would NEVER repeat their mistakes. They are not a perfect couple, but for me they are experts. They may have not sat down with me to pry on my own relationships but I have learned a great deal of lessons from their relationship.

Both of them encouraged me to read the Bible. There are many verses in the Bible that teaches about good behavior in marriage. One is the ever familiar 1 Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter. Another one is Ephesians 5:25-33 about wives giving respect to their husband and husbands loving their wives. There are also beautiful love stories of couples who have gone through a lot of tests in their relationship, but has proven themselves faithful to each other and to their God. My husband reads to me several times the story of Isaac and Rebekah and it has become a great inspiration to both of us. My favorite chapter, however,about being a good wife is in Proverbs 31, where a mother gives advices and expresses her concern for her son, King Lemuel, which was followed by the Virtuous Woman verses. I think it's a beautiful and touching classic piece of literature. You, my friend, who is reading this, may want to read the chapter---again and again. It's worth your time.

The other book which I placed in the stand at our restroom, next to my husband's, Kill As Few Patients as Possible, is God's Little Devotional Book. It has Bible verses, quotations and stories. I don't remember getting tired of reading it again and again for its gem of articles just never grow old. I remember buying it from a store for a very cheap price and went home feeling like I just dug gold nuggets.

Another good book that I would recommend is Fascinating Womanhood. I have read the book in its entirety quite a few times since 2003 and still feel that I have yet to learn things. One thing I would say is that, the principles written here may not be applicable to a lot of women in this generation, so I would recommend an open mind and heart while reading. I have tried some principles which worked really well for me. Some are just too "weird" for me to practice. The pages in my book are torn and smelt like dust(ewww!) but it's still one of my favorite books to read.

There are lots and lots of books out there, so we can never limit ourselves to one or three books. There's always room for improvement. And when it comes to a happy marriage it's always good to be wise and know what's good and whats not. How good it is to start taking care of a good relationship and never allowing it to turn sour. Read books, learn truths and experience love to the fullest!

Too Jealous

2008-12-05T07:01:00.000-08:00

Too much jealousy can ruin a marriage or any kind of relationship. The Bible says, "..love is not jealous." Sometimes playing with jealousy can be fun. When I was yet dating, I like the idea of making my ex feel a little jealous just so I could see his reaction. Although not deliberately, I would sometimes allow situations to happen, like entertaining a guy friend who needs help in class, etc. I should say there's no unfaithfulness involved. When I got into a relationship with my husband, I would sometimes come into a conversation with him that I thought would make him feel a little jealous but I have never seen a hint or two of him being uneasy when we were yet dating. I was the one who would constantly ask him about girls and he'd tell me, "I won't give any reason for you to doubt my love for you". Now that we're married, I would hear funny reactions from him like, "Is it a girl or a boy?" "Oh, ok...'cos if it's a guy, I'd beat him up". That would always crack me up. LOL. Being in a healthy relationship means the trust level between two individuals is extremely high that not one would do anything to jeopardize such a great relationship. Compromise is also a big thing. Honesty is, too.

However, when extreme jealousy takes in the whole situation, the aggressor takes the whip and the oppressed cowers in a corner. Jealousy can really be ugly. Crimes can happen, lives mess up and love lost. Sometimes it's not just extreme jealousy that breaks relationships, even the less serious ones can be magnified and can turn really bad. When women stop trusting their partners, husbands start to feel untrustworthy and would often look down on themselves. The results too often would hurt both partners. On the other hand, when a man feels extremely jealous about something, it can turn deadly, too.

It is important that both should strip themselves of pride and face situations with total honesty and the heart to reconcile. For men, don't give your woman any reason to be jealous. For women, don't create any reason just to be jealous, it would hurt both you and your partner. Or vice versa. Talk and talk and resolve. Be self-controlled when facing this kind of situation while giving your partner the room to improve. Be wise in what you say and do and never let jealousy eat you up. Express yourself but when you do, let love rule!

Here is an example of extreme jealousy:
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

HUGS

2008-12-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

At our wedding reception, we had our ushers distribute small pieces of paper and colorful pens to all our guests. We then asked them to write down pieces of advice for us,the newlyweds. There were some who wrote down funny witty lines, some wrote serious spiritual advice. My groom and I then chose our own favorite ones and had them read over by our emcee.

My groom chose a lengthy one which I have quite forgotten by now. The one that I chose was a very short line so it was easy to remember. It simply says, "Hug each other everyday!" With its simplicity, I grasp the idea of what hugs can do to a relationship. We hug when we needed or wanted to give comfort. We hug when we feel happy. We hug when we're sorry. Hugs are basically a way to express different kinds of emotions but it is hard to hug when we're upset or angry with the other person because it would show in the way we hug. Hugs can be given at any time, any place.

Hugs has become a favorite thing of mine to do when I am with my husband. We've taken the wedding advice quite seriously everyday, not just once a day but several times. We hug before and after bed, before and after work, during mealtime, etc. It's a wonderful way to get closer to each other.

The advice on that little piece of paper gave us something to remember about our wedding and has added meaning to our relationship. That piece of advice came from my elder sister who was our wedding emcee. I am glad she took the time to write it down and share that little advice with us. I wasn't so huggy-touchy. But I have realized that being huggy-touchy with my hsuband is not bad after all. In fact, it's a great thing.

Inexpensive Expressions of Love

2008-12-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

This blog is so exciting as I only have to think of how wonderful love is and then I get blown away. This makes me write things down and cherish each day I spend with my "soulmate". Yesterday was my first day of volunteer work. I "babysit"/facilitate a group of 9th and 10th graders in their class. For me, it is just something so simple, but my mister soulmate thinks I deserve a celebration. Yay! He took me out to dinner which is really so nice of him.

Yesterday, while I was at work, I have thought of some ways on how a lot of couples show their love to their spouse or partners without spending any penny. Some guys probably think that giving flowers or chocolates to their girl is the only way to make her happy or at least the best thing to do. My husband like to get me something that involves money but I have always explained to him that inexpensive expression of love is the better option for it doesn't make the other person feel guilty. I don't know, but I feel a kind of guilt whenever my husband spend a lot of money on me. I'd rather he save it for later purposes or better ones. I do love to be pampered at times, but the best times that I spent with him are not always in the most expensive things he did. So I came up with a list which we both do in our relationship that saved us a lot of bucks but made us closer to each other everyday.

These things work well for me:

I make sure I never run out of compliments for him. From the smallest of accomplishments to the greatest achievements, he deserves to know that his efforts never go unappreciated.

He works hard each day, so I make it a point to ask how his day at work goes. I have noticed it makes him feel good knowing that I care about what or how much he does.

"Thank you" is a favorite phrase of mine. Hubby's so generous with it, so why shouldn't I?

As soon as he enters the door from work, I get excited to see him and I show it. I stop whatever I do and meet him and give him a warm hug.

A few times I had failed to make dinner on time, but I try to have everything ready before he comes home 'cos I know he's starving by that time. And when we have an early dinner, it gives us more time to do stuff together.

Although he's a good story-teller, sometimes he gets quiet, so I would often ask questions to encourage him to talk. It always work for me 'cos we are so used to having good conversations and are both enjoying it.

I make sure of keeping at least three places tidy, the living room, the bedroom and the restroom. The living room is the first room he sees, the bedroom is available if he wants to rest after a busy day, and the restroom where he visits regularly. He's off-limits in the kitchen altho' he often digs in there for his favorite chips.

Overall, I just think it's important that he feels he's well-taken cared of. Finding his home a place of peace and happiness is my goal as a wife.

These things work well for him:

He calls me on his way to work, when he gets to work, during his lunchbreak, and before he gets home. He makes me feel special by talking to me, letting me know he's safe so I won't worry and letting me know when he's coming home so it gives me the time to get ready.

This is my favorite part...(: he gives me hugs and tells me he misses me and think of me when he's at work.

He always want to know about my day, anything interesting that I did.

He likes to cuddle with me rather than let me do chores. (: So I always enjoy hanging out with him.

He learns to let me know about new plans and discusses things with me before he makes decisions.

There are many ways to show someone we love that we care about them - in words and in actions. Money couldn't buy them. Each of us want to be loved. When we give out something, sometimes to the point of sacrificing our pride, it makes our relationship with others beautiful.

Let's Celebrate Love

2008-12-02T03:23:00.000-08:00

This is a new blog that I just created yesterday. I have always been fascinated by relationships - between family members and friends. I love the idea of celebration. My husband and I grew up in different places, different cities and even countries. But we always celebrate our "anniversaries" each month. Yes, it takes a lot of effort, time and money. Sometimes it brings heartaches. We'd been hurt a lot of times when we said our "goodbyes" at many airports. But those times only made us stronger and more determined to make it all work out. We were so committed. We dated for about 5 years before we finally decided to tie the knot. It was a wonderful long distance relationship and now that we've gone over the stress of wedding preparations, our relationship just seem to bloom beautifully. I have observed and have seen relationships and how it grows and for some, dies. But I believe in the power of love. It is full of mystery but its results are priceless. I have experienced love and I am still experiencing it. This is why I created this blog. I want to express it. I want to keep a record of its goodness. I want to see where it leads. As God is love, I want to know Him more and at the same time know about love more.

The everday relationship that I have with my husband brings me joy. It never ceases to amaze me at what love can do. Do visit this blog more often, share your stories with me and let's celebrate the joys of marriage together.

LOVE

2008-12-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

Love is an abused word. Its beautiful defininitions are buried and forgotten by hatred, fear and divorce. People sometimes use it to get what they want, others wear it as an outward clothing to cover imperfections. We wish for it, work for it or even die for it. We like to talk about it, experience it and live by it.

LOVE is just a simple word that conveys complex meanings. Felt in the heart and expressed by actions like many other emotions and yet it is a principle. It is not an emotion that comes and goes as time changes. When it comes, it grows and as it grows, it get strong and because it is strong, it stays and never goes away. It is a principle that needs to be learned and perfected. There is no such thing as "relove". There is only to love again and again and again.

I will quote the Bible as it gives the best definition on love:

1 Corinthians 13
Love
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.